Disciplining your child...
And when she has a cheezy grin like this, it's pretty hard to do sometimes.
Only after a million times getting the message across do you reap the rewards. I only have a near 3-year-old! How am I lookin? I'm packing plenty of snacks for the journey ahead. Detours, road blocks and U-turns are bound to be taken. To know almost 3 years ago, Emily was a simple little pea that snoozed, pooped and ate all day astounds me. How fast they grow.
Let me just say before I blog my brains out that Emily is the light of our lives. We love her more than anything. She's so bright, extremely funny, beautiful, a great eater/sleeper and has a generally great demeanor. I don't talk about this parenting stuff because I wanna bitch and complain, but rather to simply open up dialogue. :) I know many keep this kind of stuff to themselves. So thank you, in advance, for reading. Tell me your thoughts!
Tonight, I was the sternest I think I've ever been with Emily. The look on her face broke my heart. So I'm going to do what most moms of the 2000s would do and blog it. Or maybe most don't? Who knows, but here goes...
Parents today are forced to ingest a million different opinions on how to parent "right" from a million different sources. Literally! All this with no thought on how every child is different. Now, I know my grandparents questioned their tactics every day just like I do. But at least they didn't have a billion different articles to peruse on Google to make them feel worse or validated. Blech. It's pretty overwhelming. You try to avoid it, but it's like the black hole sometimes.
Many people think evoking fear is not the way to go. Don't raise your voice. Don't spank. Don't hit. Don't waterboard. (Oh, I kid, I kid.)
I don't believe in spanking (yet?), belting my kid or anything of the sort. But I do believe having some sort of fear of your parents (not the shaking in your boots kind, but the consequential kind) is probably a good thing. And hell, if we don't believe in these physical tactics above, then raising our voice is about the only thing we've got. Again, every child is different. Some may not test boundaries like others do. Emily is smart and stubborn. I'll let you guess if she tests boundaries or not. :)
Emily has recently discovered she's taller and can reach things she otherwise couldn't a few months ago. Exciting stuff for her, no doubt. Exciting for me too! Seeing her grow is awesome but a growing pain for me in some ways.
Her new trick is turning on her bedroom light after we put her to bed and 'lights are out.' Not the end of the world, but a pain nonetheless.
The first time she did it tonight, I was calm. Walked up there, slowly put her books away, toys away. Told her to please not turn on the light, blah bitty blah. Good night. Love you. Kisses. All that. And as I was doing all of this she, of course, was not happy.
She turned on the light again 2 minutes later. Once again, this time with my teeth gritting a bit, I explained to her why we can't have lights on but with a little firmer tone. Goodnight. Cry. Hiss. Moan.
She turned on the light again.
I thought, "she's ignoring me." And that is not okay. It's disrespectful.
I marched up there for the final time, burst open the door. If I had laser-beam super powers, they would have activated at that point.
This scared her a lot. She jumped away from her bookshelf, jumped into bed, curled up and made eye contact with me the whole time. Saw the fear this time. It sucked, but I knew I had to follow through. Voice was as firm as a spray-tanned body builder now. Eye contact locked, message delivered quicker than FedEx. 'LIGHTS. OUT.' And they were. Lights were out. She didn't make one peep after that. She didn't cry, but she may have whimpered a little. She went to sleep.
My heart was racing once I shut her bedroom door, and I felt like complete poo. But I knew that was the only way it'd get the point across. Seeing her fear made me sad. My only hope is that she'll know behind my angry eyes is love. And if she loses that thought somewhere along the way, then she'll get it back eventually - probably when she has kids herself.
It wasn't fun. But it worked. For us. Not for everyone.
I didn't spank. I didn't swear. But yes, I raised my voice, looked her straight in her little blues and basically put the fear of Mama in her heart. Well, actually, I put the fear of her losing her prized blankie for the night in her heart. Let's give credit where credit is due here.
But there is a whole 'nother article on that...'Never threaten your kids! The mental damage will be irreversible! Counseling sessions forever!'
Anyone seen a portal to 1950?
"Discipline is a symbol of caring to a child. He needs guidance.If there is love, there is no such thing as being too tough with a child. A parent must also not be afraid to hang himself. If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
--Bette Davis
And when she has a cheezy grin like this, it's pretty hard to do sometimes.
Only after a million times getting the message across do you reap the rewards. I only have a near 3-year-old! How am I lookin? I'm packing plenty of snacks for the journey ahead. Detours, road blocks and U-turns are bound to be taken. To know almost 3 years ago, Emily was a simple little pea that snoozed, pooped and ate all day astounds me. How fast they grow.
Let me just say before I blog my brains out that Emily is the light of our lives. We love her more than anything. She's so bright, extremely funny, beautiful, a great eater/sleeper and has a generally great demeanor. I don't talk about this parenting stuff because I wanna bitch and complain, but rather to simply open up dialogue. :) I know many keep this kind of stuff to themselves. So thank you, in advance, for reading. Tell me your thoughts!
Tonight, I was the sternest I think I've ever been with Emily. The look on her face broke my heart. So I'm going to do what most moms of the 2000s would do and blog it. Or maybe most don't? Who knows, but here goes...
Parents today are forced to ingest a million different opinions on how to parent "right" from a million different sources. Literally! All this with no thought on how every child is different. Now, I know my grandparents questioned their tactics every day just like I do. But at least they didn't have a billion different articles to peruse on Google to make them feel worse or validated. Blech. It's pretty overwhelming. You try to avoid it, but it's like the black hole sometimes.
Many people think evoking fear is not the way to go. Don't raise your voice. Don't spank. Don't hit. Don't waterboard. (Oh, I kid, I kid.)
I don't believe in spanking (yet?), belting my kid or anything of the sort. But I do believe having some sort of fear of your parents (not the shaking in your boots kind, but the consequential kind) is probably a good thing. And hell, if we don't believe in these physical tactics above, then raising our voice is about the only thing we've got. Again, every child is different. Some may not test boundaries like others do. Emily is smart and stubborn. I'll let you guess if she tests boundaries or not. :)
Emily has recently discovered she's taller and can reach things she otherwise couldn't a few months ago. Exciting stuff for her, no doubt. Exciting for me too! Seeing her grow is awesome but a growing pain for me in some ways.
Her new trick is turning on her bedroom light after we put her to bed and 'lights are out.' Not the end of the world, but a pain nonetheless.
The first time she did it tonight, I was calm. Walked up there, slowly put her books away, toys away. Told her to please not turn on the light, blah bitty blah. Good night. Love you. Kisses. All that. And as I was doing all of this she, of course, was not happy.
She turned on the light again 2 minutes later. Once again, this time with my teeth gritting a bit, I explained to her why we can't have lights on but with a little firmer tone. Goodnight. Cry. Hiss. Moan.
She turned on the light again.
I thought, "she's ignoring me." And that is not okay. It's disrespectful.
I marched up there for the final time, burst open the door. If I had laser-beam super powers, they would have activated at that point.
This scared her a lot. She jumped away from her bookshelf, jumped into bed, curled up and made eye contact with me the whole time. Saw the fear this time. It sucked, but I knew I had to follow through. Voice was as firm as a spray-tanned body builder now. Eye contact locked, message delivered quicker than FedEx. 'LIGHTS. OUT.' And they were. Lights were out. She didn't make one peep after that. She didn't cry, but she may have whimpered a little. She went to sleep.
My heart was racing once I shut her bedroom door, and I felt like complete poo. But I knew that was the only way it'd get the point across. Seeing her fear made me sad. My only hope is that she'll know behind my angry eyes is love. And if she loses that thought somewhere along the way, then she'll get it back eventually - probably when she has kids herself.
It wasn't fun. But it worked. For us. Not for everyone.
I didn't spank. I didn't swear. But yes, I raised my voice, looked her straight in her little blues and basically put the fear of Mama in her heart. Well, actually, I put the fear of her losing her prized blankie for the night in her heart. Let's give credit where credit is due here.
But there is a whole 'nother article on that...'Never threaten your kids! The mental damage will be irreversible! Counseling sessions forever!'
Anyone seen a portal to 1950?
"Discipline is a symbol of caring to a child. He needs guidance.If there is love, there is no such thing as being too tough with a child. A parent must also not be afraid to hang himself. If you have never been hated by your child, you have never been a parent."
--Bette Davis
2 comments:
Oh don't worry about it Christi! My mom would NEVER tolerate disrespectful behaviour from me and my brother. We knew it and stayed on her right side most of the time, but when we didn't... oh man. She didn't raise her voice much and she didn't hit us of course - although there might have been a pinched ear once or twice - ;) but if LOOKS COULD KILL...
And now? She is my best friend, hands down. I tell her everything as I have done since...oh I don't know...since I learned how to speak.
I'm with Bette all the way :D
Xx
ps. Love that there are THREE smiling faces in that foto including the potty's!!
hey lady! comments from me: I have spanked. I HATE it. i feel awful. I am trying so hard not to do it anymore, although it is ridiculously effective. I basically think you need to figure out what is going to work and do it, no matter what anyone else thinks. your goal is to get your kid to grow up into a functional human being (and get there. you know, without you killing them!) good luck. and it's sad, even our sweet good-natured kids can be disrespectful and fail to listen. not cool!
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